A couple of months after getting caught cutting lunch, my two friends Keyah, Felita, (who were not in my culinary program classes) and I were in class talking about how fun it would be for me to come to their house to meet Reggie and John. I can’t remember the exact dialog from the conversation, but our plan was this. We were going to cut school, ride the bus to their house, hang out. And when we were done. They were going to stay home, and I would ride the bus back alone to be in my last class of the day. I also had a plan on how to get around that annoying sign-in sheet. At this point, I had been getting the sheet signed by my teachers for a couple of months now. Which meant I had plenty of time to think about how I could get away with cutting classes and still be able to get my sheet signed. I decided I was going to ask one of my friends who was in all my other classes with me to pretend it was her sign-in sheet and get our teachers to sign it. I would then get the sheet back from her at the beginning of our last class together, erase her name, put my name on it. And then boom, sign-in sheet all signed and I freedom I could still have. LOL!
The day comes that we decided we were going to cut school. Keyah, Felita, and I got on the bus to head out. I was so excited and nervous at the same time. I couldn’t believe I was doing what I was doing. I am a rule follower by nature. And at this point, this was probably the biggest thing I had done that would be considered “breaking the rules.” I kept thinking, “I hope I don’t get caught.” “I’m going to be in so much trouble if I do.” But then, eventually, the fear subsides. And we get off the bus to start walking towards their neighborhood. When we got to Keyah’s house, John and Reggie came over to meet us. I was so nervous and feeling very shy at that moment. I had spoken with both of these guys and was very familiar with them. But still seeing them in person made me overwhelmed. They all started talking and then I joined in. The conversation flowed easily and soon after we ended up at John’s house to hang out. The talking eventually turned into wrestling, we wrestled around the room. Laughing, and having fun, just being kids. It was very innocent. Time flew by, then it was time for me to leave. I still had to get back to school before my last class, so that I wouldn’t get caught. On my way back, I relived the excursion in my mind. Thinking about how much fun I had just had. And how it wasn’t fair that I couldn’t be friends with whomever I wanted to be. I mean I was in general a good kid. I had only rebelled because I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my friends outside of school. I thought about how I dreaded going back home into what felt like a prison around people who did not care about me as much as they cared about controlling me. I made it back to the school on time for my last class. I got the sheet signed and made it home on time. Without anyone knowing what had occurred on that day for me.
Because my first “real” trip away from the school was so successful, I continued with my occasional trips to Keyah and Felita’s houses. And I didn’t think much about my attendance or my grades. My mom didn’t care whether I brought home good grades, so I did just enough to keep them above a 69%. She didn’t care. And why should I?!
Later that year, we had a half-day at school, there was testing going on. And we were going to be able to leave once we were done with all our tests. I decided this would be a great day to go to my friends’ houses. I mean how would my mom even know!? Up until this point I hadn’t gotten caught. And I was completely comfortable with navigating the bus routes to get to where I needed to go. After taking the tests, I rode with my friends to their house. We had all the fun that we always have. And I ended up staying longer than I should’ve. I did not take into account the time and number of buses I was going to have to take to get back to my neighborhood from their neighborhood. After I left, I was riding through downtown, and we ran into a lot of traffic. Which slowed down the already slow bus trip dramatically. I was so anxious. I knew I needed to be at Tower City by a certain time, so that I could catch the next bus to my neighborhood to be home at the time I was expected to call my mom. Well, I ended up missing the bus, and I had to wait for the next bus to come. This was it… I knew I was about to be late. On the last bus ride home, I thought about all the excuses I could use to get out of the trouble I was about to be in. But nothing believable came to mind. I get off the bus and start walking towards my house, I see my second stepdad standing outside the house. He sees me and of course, starts yelling at me from down the street. “Where the bleep have you been?” I get closer to him and tell him that I missed my bus. And that’s why I was late. He continues to yell at me and tells me how he read my diary to see if I had written about running away from home. My heart dropped because I knew I had written about cutting school and hanging out with my friends. And now I knew that he knew. I never thought they would read my diary. I go upstairs and go into my prison and cry. Because once again, I am grounded to a room with nothing in it. And now I am not allowed to be home alone after school anymore. Which was my time to sneak and talk on the phone with my friends. I was back to feeling trapped and unfree.
A few weeks later, my mom and second stepdad informed me that this would be my last year at my school. That we were moving over the summer to the city where my second stepdad was born and raised. (A white suburb of Cleveland) I was heartbroken, I knew that I would not get to see or talk to my friends anymore. This only fueled my hatred towards them. I knew they were doing this to keep me away from my black friends.
When the last week of school came, I told my friends how much I loved them. And I asked them to sign a school t-shirt I had. I still have that t-shirt to this day. And I very much value the friendships I made that year. (Thankfully, I am friends with a lot of those people on social media today.)
And the countdown continues.
Just Being Dee 