The day I picked out your name, I remember well. I was sitting on the porch of an assisted living home with an elderly lady who wanted to enjoy some fresh air. I remember as I sat there looking off into the blue sunny sky, thinking I wanted to name my future son Noah. The name Noah came to me from a character in a movie that your dad and I really loved called “The Notebook”. We really connected to the couple in that movie and felt like our relationship was similar to theirs. I wanted to commemorate that connection by using the name of the man in the movie. I remember sharing these thoughts with your dad, and he was in agreeance that we should do that.
The name Noah in Hebrew means rest, or comfort. I definitely see that as you are growing, your spirit gives off an energy of comfort. You have a huge empathic heart for people and animals. I know that God will use that gift to bring comfort to many people. And they will find rest in knowing that you genuinely care about them and their circumstances.
You are a very smart boy. And you pay attention to details and small things around you. You get that from your introverted personality. Which is a gift. Do not let anyone tell you it isn’t. You are not shy. You are not broken. You are created just as you were meant to be. I love how you find joy in the small things. Like collecting rocks, sticks or bird feathers. Or how you like to read books on insects and all things animals. I love how you always have a great animal fact to share with me.
You are a natural leader. You may not see that now. But one day you will. You have a great strength about you. And I know He is going to use that for His glory.
You are a sensitive person. You feel things deeply. The world is going to try and tell you that your sensitivity is too feminine. It’s not. God the father gave you that gift. For example, I love how you came home one day and shared with me that there were two boys picking on another little boy. And you told me that you stood in front of the little boy to protect him from being punched. And in return you were punched. The sensitive heart that God gave you to want to stand in front of the bullied little boy, is something that is so rare. Please don’t loose that.
Keep praying over all the small things that we daily take for granted. Listening to you pray in the mornings is one of my favorite things to listen to. The things and situations that you choose to pray about reminds me daily to not take my life and anything in it for granted. Thank you for that.
Noah, you are wonderful little human. There are so many gifts inside of you. And I am excited that I get to be a part of the process of discovery as you learn who were created to be.
Hey, my sweet boys!! I am going to start with this letter as a combined story of how you got here. A story you share. But after that, I am going to write you each a letter about the thoughts and things I see in each of you as individuals.
In the Spring of 2012, I was working at RMC, the hospital you were born at in Anniston, Alabama. I was working on the 5th floor which is the long-term care floor. It’s the floor that people who have cancer, or a dire condition come to for treatments. Or often times to die. I was a care tech on this floor. And I absolutely loved this job. I really felt like I was operating out of my calling while I was there. I felt like God wanted me to be a calm light for the people who were staying on this floor. I remember walking down each of the halls passing the rooms and praying for the people inside. Hoping that they would feel some kind of peace and joy in that moment. I definitely felt like I was there with purpose.
Leading up to that summer, I kept feeling the push to move out of our two-bedroom condo apartment, to a three-bedroom condo apartment in the same complex. I thought it was because your sisters needed more space as they were growing. But little did I know God had other plans. The month of June came, and we moved. The apartment was much roomier and felt fresh. We gave the master bedroom with the on-suite bathroom to your sisters. It was a much bigger room then the one that they shared before. Your dad and I took one of the smaller rooms. And I gave the third room to your dad, so that he could have a room to write and work on his website and music goals. Life felt very new and exciting. I had a new job that I loved. We had this new apartment with more space. And things just looked like they were on the up.
I’ll never forget the day July 7th, 2012. It was a Saturday. The week before this I had missed my period. And I had been feeling very fatigue and just not myself. On this morning, after it had been an official week of no signs of my period, I asked your dad to go purchase a pregnancy test for me to take. When he got back, I took the test and almost as quick as I peed on the stick, it came back with the two lines. I absolutely could not believe it. If I am honest, I was not happy. I cried. I cried because I was worried about what your dad was going to say. I had just given him that third room in the apartment, and I knew he was not going to be able to have that room now. I cried because we only had one car that had room only for the two car seats it was already carrying. I cried because I wanted to finally be able to focus on me and my calling, and not feel held back by having another baby to take care of. I know all of these reasons sound completely selfish. And I am so sorry. Your dad, who in that moment was so supportive, had showed no signs of being frustrated. I was thankful. It relieved a lot of my unexpressed worry that I had felt. I am naturally a planner, so to be surprised that we were now expecting another baby completely overwhelmed me and the plans that I had in place.
Almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant, the morning sickness set in and it was UNBEARABLE. I was so tired. My body was so sore. I couldn’t keep anything down. And I mean anything. Not even water. I ended up having to quit my new job. The job was very physical, and I just could no longer function like I did before. I was so upset. (Now because I had to quit my job, I lost my health benefits, which mean I had no health insurance. I ended up filing for Medicaid. Which embarrassed me greatly, I did not want to be seen as a person who was lazy and incompetent for not having health insurance.) The morning sickness grew stronger with each passing day. I remember telling your dad, I thought I was going to die. I felt worse than I had ever felt in my previous two pregnancies. I felt so bad, that I could not even go downstairs to cook or prepare food for your sisters. Patience who was 5 at the time, use to climb on the counters to get into the cabinets to get food for Lyric and herself to eat.
Because I had been so sick, CICI, your god mom, who was a nurse practitioner, came over to help me with your sisters. She noticed that I was gray in color and told me that I did not look good and that I needed to go to the ER. I didn’t want to go, I hadn’t bathed in almost a week, so I knew I had smelled. Also, the Medicaid hadn’t been approved yet, and I did not want the hospital bill I was going to have to pay for going to the ER with no health coverage. She had her mom come and talk me into going to the hospital, so I gave in and went, unbathed and all. While in the ER, they diagnosed me with Hyperemesis which just means I had a very healthy amount of pregnancy hormones in my body and it caused extreme nausea and vomiting. They admitted me to the hospital for three days so that they could run IV fluids and medicine for the extreme nausea and vomiting. I remember asking if they were going to check on the baby because of how sick I had been, and they reassured me that the baby was fine, and they never checked while I was there.
After leaving the hospital I felt a million times better. I felt brand new. I could eat. I had my strength back. I felt energized. I just felt incredible. When I got home that day, the letter of approval from the Medicaid office was in the mail and I was relieved. Because I knew they were going to fully cover the expenses that occurred from my hospital stay. AND I could now finally schedule my first doctor’s appointment to see about my baby. I luckily was able to use the doctor I had seen at the hospital who had been so kind and helpful to me. I scheduled the appointment for a week later. I ended up going alone that day. Your dad had to work and could not be with me. Which was fine, because I had done this before, and there was nothing special about the first appointment. Until this time. I remember when I got there, and it was time for me to go to the back have my first ultrasound. As I lied there on the table, the tech started to do all the measuring’s, I did not notice anything out of the ordinary as I watched on the tv screen that was on the wall. When she finished, she told me just as casual that I was having twins. My heart stopped. I looked at her and said “Wait, are you sure? Twins do not run in my family or my husband’s family”. She said she was definitely sure and preceded to show me Baby A and Baby B on the screen in their different sacs. Which meant you were fraternal. I was completely shocked. It made complete sense in that moment why I had been so sick so soon. I was having TWO babies.
When I left the doctor’s office, I texted your dad to tell him the news, worried about what he would say. And he was happy. I asked him what were we going to do, he said that we were going to be fine, and God would make a way for us. After I had time to process the news that we were going to now be having twins, I remember being excited. God was showing us that he was doing something new with our little family, and I was excited to see how he was going to work it all out. As time went on, we of course hoped that one of the babies would be a boy, because your daddy really wanted his son. And I wanted him to have that. When I would go in for my checkups, I would notice that the heart rates would be very different. Baby A had a faster heartbeat then Baby B. So, I thought I was for sure having a boy/ girl combo. At twenty weeks when it was time for us to find out the gender of our babies. We were very surprised to find out that God had blessed us with TWO sons. I remember telling your dad after, that we had prayed for one son, but God gave us two. We were ecstatic.
At around 24 weeks I ended being put on bedrest, because my cervix was soft, and the doctor did not want me to go into labor early. This was very difficult for me. I had a two-year-old and a five-year-old in kindergarten to take care of while your dad worked. But somehow God graced that season that I was able to still take care of the girls and not go into labor early with each of you. When it was time for you each to make your grand entrance, the doctor scheduled a C-section. Noah you were breach, which means you were lying feet first. And Daniel you were transverse, which means you were lying sideways. The doctor did not want to risk any complications, so he thought the safest thing to do would be to go ahead and have a C-section. I had not had one before and I was terrified. I remember being on the table sobbing in fear of being cut open and feeling it. But I never did, and my fear subsided when I heard Noah cry. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to see him. I did not feel anything when they pulled Noah out. But when they went in to get Daniel, I felt it. It was so weird feeling the pressure of the doctors grabbing and pulling Daniel out of my stomach. But just as quick as the procedure started, it was over. They brought the both of you to my face on the other side of the curtain and I cried. You both are worth every bit of sacrifice and pain I have went through to get you here. I am so thankful that God saw fit that for your dad and I to be your parents. I can’t wait to see how He will use you in the future for his Glory.
Hey, my little Blue Bell. My singing princess. My little mermaid, sprinkle, cupcake, unicorn, rainbow, with a touch of cayenne pepper on top. You have brought SO much color into my world. I honestly did not even know that I needed what you have. But God knew.
I remember when Daddy and I started talking about having another baby. Patience was two, and she was such a joy, that we wanted to give her a sibling. We completely planned out the process and started trying in November of 2009. I was working at a daycare at the time, and it was so perfect, because I was able to work and bring Patience and a soon to be planned out baby with me for free. I mean what a blessing that was for our family.
I found out I was pregnant with you in January of 2010, right after Patience turned three years old. I remember being so excited. Your daddy and I talked about having a boy. Because we thought well, God blessed us already with a little girl, that He was probably going to give us a little boy now. About six weeks after I found out I was pregnant with you the morning sickness set in. The first time I had morning sickness with your sister was hard. But this time seemed harder to manage, because now I had to take care of a three-year-old. And still work teaching at a daycare with a class full of three-year-olds. I struggled. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it. I was vegetarian at the time and did not eat any meat. And was also very health conscious with what I put into my body, so I tried all the natural remedies, and nothing seemed to work. Around the twelve week mark my morning sickness subsided, and I was finally able to enjoy my pregnancy. As time went on, I did not gain much weight. Which concerned my doctor at the time. She thought that because I was a vegetarian, I wasn’t bringing in much nutrition and recommended for me to eat some meat while being pregnant. I really struggled with that because my conviction to not eating animals was very strong. I had learned about some commercial practices in the meat processing industry that really disturbed me. And I absolutely did not want to support any of those companies financially. But because I wanted to make sure you were getting all that you needed, I gave in and only ate chicken or turkey maybe once or twice a week.
Around the twenty-week mark in my pregnancy, your dad and I went in to find out what you were going to be. And because my pregnancy with you had really been different than when I was pregnant with Patience, we sincerely thought we were having a boy. I remember lying on the ultrasound table while the tech measured your body parts to make sure you were growing properly, when she asked us if we wanted to know what your sex was. We both said yes. We looked at the screen and the tech spelled out “I AM A GIRL” I busted out laughing. Because I knew that daddy wanted a boy. He was mad at me. But I sincerely thought it was so funny, because now I would have another little girl to give all my love to. And we would outnumber daddy and the two boy cats at home.
I remember after finding out you were girl struggling mentally, as to how I would be able to love another little girl as much as I loved Patience. I remember being scared that if I did that Patience would feel pushed aside and unloved. I thought how I could ever fairly love another child as much as I did my first. So, I sought after advice from older moms. And other women who had more than one child, who all reassured me that I would not have any trouble loving another baby equally. That my heart would easily have room to share between two children. I prayed to God a lot during that time asking him to make that so.
When your daddy and I picked out your name, we were very intentional. Just like with Patience, we wanted your name to be a representation of our relationship. So daddy came up with the name Lyric. Lyric in French means song. I loved it right away. Your daddy at the time was making Christian hip hop music and was always writing and in the studio. And he and I shared a common bond and love for music that the name Lyric was a very natural choice. Because your dad picked out your first name, I decided that I would pick out your second name. I found the name Bella. Bella in Spanish means beautiful. But also, in Hebrew it means devoted to God. So, in full, your name means a beautiful song devoted to God. And what a song you are. I love listening to you sing every day, using the gift that was spoken over you. And placed within you.
The day I went into the hospital be induced to have you; I was very excited. I couldn’t wait to meet you. I couldn’t wait to see what and who you would like. Would you look like Patience? Would you look like me? Would you look like your daddy? What would your personality be like? Would you be a mommy’s girl like Patience? Would you be a daddy’s girl? I had so many questions. And I couldn’t wait to find out. The doctor gave me Pitocin and broke my water. The contractions came and were very strong. It’s funny because when I went in to have you, I did not have a strong memory of what the pain was like with Patience. So, when I started feeling those contractions, I couldn’t wait to get an epidural. I got the epidural, and you came very soon after. Your birth was a very easy one. I believe it’s because with Patience, I hadn’t given birth before. But this time, my body was already experienced, so you just came right out. And boy were you beautiful!! You came out looking just like your big sister when she was born. I was overwhelmed by how easy it was to just naturally love you the way I did with Patience.
Lyric Bella, you are an extremely passionate person. You have such kind and empathic heart. And I love how you just make friends with everyone so easily. The gift that you have of making people feel seen and valued is like no other. Your spicy protective attitude that God gave you, I know will be used in a mighty way for those less fortunate. I love how you speak out when something is not right or fair. I love how you embrace and love yourself. So much so that your outfits reflect your bright personality. And at times when I think you don’t match, I just let you be you and rock what you feel comfortable in. As you grow, continue to seek God. Spend time in his presence getting close to him and allowing those fruits of his spirit manifest through what he has already placed inside of you. You are going to do BIG things for his glory. I cannot wait to see it all unfold. And lastly, remember to “Be A Light For Jesus”
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. I woke up one morning after your dad and I had been married for about four weeks, with something telling me I needed to take a pregnancy test. I hadn’t even missed my period yet, and I had no signs of even being pregnant. I went out, bought a pregnancy test and took it in the pink bathroom in the house on Juanita Cir in Birmingham. The house where your dad and I got married. And sure enough it came back with two little pink lines. I remember being extremely excited and nervous at the same time. Your dad and I had talked about having kids before we had gotten married. But we never talked about how soon after. I was worried to how he would react. When I called to share the news with him, I was surprised to his reaction. He was very happy. Which eased my worried heart.
About two weeks after I found out I was pregnant, the dreaded morning sickness set in. OH. MY. is all I can say. I felt terrible. I couldn’t keep anything down. I wasn’t at the time vegetarian, vegan or health conscious about what I ate. So, ALL the processed foods that I consumed at the time, came back up. I remember your dad and I used to buy the gallon sized Hawaiian Punch drinks in all the flavors, and I couldn’t even keep those down. I would watch the colored drinks come back up into the pink sink in the pink bathroom in the little house on Juanita Cir. And because of this, I to this day will NOT drink Hawaiian Punch. LOL!
Even with me being so sick and exhausted I was very excited about you coming into the world. I hoped you were a girl. Your dad and I talked had about what we would name you if you were a girl. And we decided on Patience. Patience was the fruit of the spirit we were learning in that season of our marriage. We were very intentional with picking out your name. We understood early on that the meaning of the name you give to a person is the very thing you are speaking over them. The word patience means to have self-restraint or to not give away to anger. You absolutely exemplify these qualities each and every day. And this makes me so very proud.
The house we were living in was a rent situation that we took over for a friend of your dad’s. And it wasn’t exactly a nice enough house to bring a baby home to. So, I asked a friend of mine who’s ex-father-in-law owned rental properties if she thought he would have a house available for us to rent. He did. We ended up moving soon after I found out that I was pregnant with you. The house was small, but super cute. With a fireplace in the Livingroom. It had two bedrooms and one bathroom. And it worked perfectly for us in that season life.
At the time I was pregnant, I worked as a retail store manager at an outlet store called Kitchen Collection. Most, at the time would have considered this a great opportunity for a 25-yr-old who had not gone to college to earn a degree. But for me, being pregnant only brought out so many insecurities I had about being a mother. Because my own childhood had been so terrible, I worried that I wouldn’t be a great mother for you. And that I wouldn’t be able to provide the best for you. I knew I wanted to raise you knowing Jesus and loving God. But I had no example of what that looked like. How was I going to raise you in godly truths without even knowing how to do that? I struggled mentally. I at the time did not even know who I was, or even what my purpose was. I worried that I would project my short comings on to you and then in turn you would grow up struggling the way I did. And I was never one of those women who wanted to hold or babysit other people’s children. I never felt an urge at all to connect with a baby. And because of this I wondered how I would know how to take care of a baby. I remember reading all the books. Soaking in all the information I could on how to properly take care of you. Reading about developmental stages. And foods that I should feed you. And products I should use on your new skin. I would say that, because of YOU, I became more health aware. This was something I had not ever thought of before you came.
The day before you were born, I had a doctor’s appointment to check on your progress. I hadn’t eaten that day and was planning on going to the Olive Garden with your dad after we left. But because I was already past due, and you weren’t moving much, (they believe it was because I hadn’t eaten) they sent me on over to labor and delivery to start the process of having you. I was so nervous. You were finally about to make your grand entrance. They inserted a pill to soften my cervix, and that was all it took. The contractions rolled in soon after. They gave me my epidural and some Ambien soon after so I could rest. But you decided to come much earlier than they expected.
The first time I heard your little cries, I thought how they were the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. And the look of adoration your dad gave you when he first saw you is something that I will never forget. When they finally placed you in my arms. I had never in my life felt a feeling of love like I did in that moment. All the things that I worried about before you came suddenly disappeared. It was like I just knew what to do. God showed me in that moment what real love looked like. And I am beyond thankful to this day for YOU. The blessing that first made me a mother.
Patience, these past 14yrs being your mom, has taught me so much. YOU have taught me so much. You are an incredible human. You have the gentlest heart, with a stronger will. I love how you care about what is right. I love that even when things get hard and you want to quit, you don’t. You persevere well. You love to serve people, without recognition. I love the entrepreneurial spirit that you have. I can see so many gifts that God has placed with in you. And I know that He has much more for you. You are going to do great things in this life my She-bay. Just keep pursuing God. Remember that your worth and value come from the creator and not from this world. And remember to “Be A Light for Jesus”
Just Being Dee 