Dear Patience,

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. I woke up one morning after your dad and I had been married for about four weeks, with something telling me I needed to take a pregnancy test. I hadn’t even missed my period yet, and I had no signs of even being pregnant. I went out, bought a pregnancy test and took it in the pink bathroom in the house on Juanita Cir in Birmingham. The house where your dad and I got married. And sure enough it came back with two little pink lines. I remember being extremely excited and nervous at the same time. Your dad and I had talked about having kids before we had gotten married. But we never talked about how soon after. I was worried to how he would react. When I called to share the news with him, I was surprised to his reaction. He was very happy. Which eased my worried heart.  

About two weeks after I found out I was pregnant, the dreaded morning sickness set in. OH. MY. is all I can say. I felt terrible. I couldn’t keep anything down. I wasn’t at the time vegetarian, vegan or health conscious about what I ate. So, ALL the processed foods that I consumed at the time, came back up. I remember your dad and I used to buy the gallon sized Hawaiian Punch drinks in all the flavors, and I couldn’t even keep those down. I would watch the colored drinks come back up into the pink sink in the pink bathroom in the little house on Juanita Cir. And because of this, I to this day will NOT drink Hawaiian Punch. LOL! 

Even with me being so sick and exhausted I was very excited about you coming into the world. I hoped you were a girl. Your dad and I talked had about what we would name you if you were a girl. And we decided on Patience. Patience was the fruit of the spirit we were learning in that season of our marriage. We were very intentional with picking out your name. We understood early on that the meaning of the name you give to a person is the very thing you are speaking over them. The word patience means to have self-restraint or to not give away to anger. You absolutely exemplify these qualities each and every day. And this makes me so very proud.

The house we were living in was a rent situation that we took over for a friend of your dad’s. And it wasn’t exactly a nice enough house to bring a baby home to. So, I asked a friend of mine who’s ex-father-in-law owned rental properties if she thought he would have a house available for us to rent. He did. We ended up moving soon after I found out that I was pregnant with you. The house was small, but super cute. With a fireplace in the Livingroom. It had two bedrooms and one bathroom. And it worked perfectly for us in that season life. 

At the time I was pregnant, I worked as a retail store manager at an outlet store called Kitchen Collection. Most, at the time would have considered this a great opportunity for a 25-yr-old who had not gone to college to earn a degree. But for me, being pregnant only brought out so many insecurities I had about being a mother. Because my own childhood had been so terrible, I worried that I wouldn’t be a great mother for you. And that I wouldn’t be able to provide the best for you. I knew I wanted to raise you knowing Jesus and loving God. But I had no example of what that looked like. How was I going to raise you in godly truths without even knowing how to do that? I struggled mentally. I at the time did not even know who I was, or even what my purpose was. I worried that I would project my short comings on to you and then in turn you would grow up struggling the way I did. And I was never one of those women who wanted to hold or babysit other people’s children. I never felt an urge at all to connect with a baby. And because of this I wondered how I would know how to take care of a baby. I remember reading all the books. Soaking in all the information I could on how to properly take care of you. Reading about developmental stages. And foods that I should feed you. And products I should use on your new skin. I would say that, because of YOU, I became more health aware. This was something I had not ever thought of before you came.

The day before you were born, I had a doctor’s appointment to check on your progress. I hadn’t eaten that day and was planning on going to the Olive Garden with your dad after we left. But because I was already past due, and you weren’t moving much, (they believe it was because I hadn’t eaten) they sent me on over to labor and delivery to start the process of having you. I was so nervous. You were finally about to make your grand entrance. They inserted a pill to soften my cervix, and that was all it took. The contractions rolled in soon after. They gave me my epidural and some Ambien soon after so I could rest. But you decided to come much earlier than they expected.

The first time I heard your little cries, I thought how they were the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. And the look of adoration your dad gave you when he first saw you is something that I will never forget. When they finally placed you in my arms. I had never in my life felt a feeling of love like I did in that moment. All the things that I worried about before you came suddenly disappeared. It was like I just knew what to do. God showed me in that moment what real love looked like. And I am beyond thankful to this day for YOU. The blessing that first made me a mother.

Patience, these past 14yrs being your mom, has taught me so much. YOU have taught me so much. You are an incredible human. You have the gentlest heart, with a stronger will. I love how you care about what is right. I love that even when things get hard and you want to quit, you don’t. You persevere well. You love to serve people, without recognition. I love the entrepreneurial spirit that you have. I can see so many gifts that God has placed with in you. And I know that He has much more for you. You are going to do great things in this life my She-bay. Just keep pursuing God. Remember that your worth and value come from the creator and not from this world. And remember to “Be A Light for Jesus”

I LOVE YOU!!!