Dear Noah And Daniel

Hey, my sweet boys!! I am going to start with this letter as a combined story of how you got here. A story you share. But after that, I am going to write you each a letter about the thoughts and things I see in each of you as individuals.

In the Spring of 2012, I was working at RMC, the hospital you were born at in Anniston, Alabama. I was working on the 5th floor which is the long-term care floor. It’s the floor that people who have cancer, or a dire condition come to for treatments. Or often times to die. I was a care tech on this floor. And I absolutely loved this job. I really felt like I was operating out of my calling while I was there. I felt like God wanted me to be a calm light for the people who were staying on this floor. I remember walking down each of the halls passing the rooms and praying for the people inside. Hoping that they would feel some kind of peace and joy in that moment. I definitely felt like I was there with purpose.

Leading up to that summer, I kept feeling the push to move out of our two-bedroom condo apartment, to a three-bedroom condo apartment in the same complex. I thought it was because your sisters needed more space as they were growing. But little did I know God had other plans. The month of June came, and we moved. The apartment was much roomier and felt fresh. We gave the master bedroom with the on-suite bathroom to your sisters. It was a much bigger room then the one that they shared before. Your dad and I took one of the smaller rooms. And I gave the third room to your dad, so that he could have a room to write and work on his website and music goals. Life felt very new and exciting. I had a new job that I loved. We had this new apartment with more space. And things just looked like they were on the up.

I’ll never forget the day July 7th, 2012. It was a Saturday. The week before this I had missed my period. And I had been feeling very fatigue and just not myself. On this morning, after it had been an official week of no signs of my period, I asked your dad to go purchase a pregnancy test for me to take. When he got back, I took the test and almost as quick as I peed on the stick, it came back with the two lines. I absolutely could not believe it. If I am honest, I was not happy. I cried. I cried because I was worried about what your dad was going to say. I had just given him that third room in the apartment, and I knew he was not going to be able to have that room now. I cried because we only had one car that had room only for the two car seats it was already carrying. I cried because I wanted to finally be able to focus on me and my calling, and not feel held back by having another baby to take care of. I know all of these reasons sound completely selfish. And I am so sorry. Your dad, who in that moment was so supportive, had showed no signs of being frustrated. I was thankful. It relieved a lot of my unexpressed worry that I had felt. I am naturally a planner, so to be surprised that we were now expecting another baby completely overwhelmed me and the plans that I had in place. 

Almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant, the morning sickness set in and it was UNBEARABLE. I was so tired. My body was so sore. I couldn’t keep anything down. And I mean anything. Not even water. I ended up having to quit my new job. The job was very physical, and I just could no longer function like I did before. I was so upset. (Now because I had to quit my job, I lost my health benefits, which mean I had no health insurance. I ended up filing for Medicaid. Which embarrassed me greatly, I did not want to be seen as a person who was lazy and incompetent for not having health insurance.) The morning sickness grew stronger with each passing day. I remember telling your dad, I thought I was going to die. I felt worse than I had ever felt in my previous two pregnancies. I felt so bad, that I could not even go downstairs to cook or prepare food for your sisters. Patience who was 5 at the time, use to climb on the counters to get into the cabinets to get food for Lyric and herself to eat.

Because I had been so sick, CICI, your god mom, who was a nurse practitioner, came over to help me with your sisters. She noticed that I was gray in color and told me that I did not look good and that I needed to go to the ER. I didn’t want to go, I hadn’t bathed in almost a week, so I knew I had smelled. Also, the Medicaid hadn’t been approved yet, and I did not want the hospital bill I was going to have to pay for going to the ER with no health coverage. She had her mom come and talk me into going to the hospital, so I gave in and went, unbathed and all. While in the ER, they diagnosed me with Hyperemesis which just means I had a very healthy amount of pregnancy hormones in my body and it caused extreme nausea and vomiting. They admitted me to the hospital for three days so that they could run IV fluids and medicine for the extreme nausea and vomiting. I remember asking if they were going to check on the baby because of how sick I had been, and they reassured me that the baby was fine, and they never checked while I was there.

After leaving the hospital I felt a million times better. I felt brand new. I could eat. I had my strength back. I felt energized. I just felt incredible. When I got home that day, the letter of approval from the Medicaid office was in the mail and I was relieved. Because I knew they were going to fully cover the expenses that occurred from my hospital stay. AND I could now finally schedule my first doctor’s appointment to see about my baby. I luckily was able to use the doctor I had seen at the hospital who had been so kind and helpful to me. I scheduled the appointment for a week later. I ended up going alone that day. Your dad had to work and could not be with me. Which was fine, because I had done this before, and there was nothing special about the first appointment. Until this time. I remember when I got there, and it was time for me to go to the back have my first ultrasound. As I lied there on the table, the tech started to do all the measuring’s, I did not notice anything out of the ordinary as I watched on the tv screen that was on the wall. When she finished, she told me just as casual that I was having twins. My heart stopped. I looked at her and said “Wait, are you sure? Twins do not run in my family or my husband’s family”. She said she was definitely sure and preceded to show me Baby A and Baby B on the screen in their different sacs. Which meant you were fraternal. I was completely shocked. It made complete sense in that moment why I had been so sick so soon. I was having TWO babies.

When I left the doctor’s office, I texted your dad to tell him the news, worried about what he would say. And he was happy. I asked him what were we going to do, he said that we were going to be fine, and God would make a way for us. After I had time to process the news that we were going to now be having twins, I remember being excited. God was showing us that he was doing something new with our little family, and I was excited to see how he was going to work it all out. As time went on, we of course hoped that one of the babies would be a boy, because your daddy really wanted his son. And I wanted him to have that. When I would go in for my checkups, I would notice that the heart rates would be very different. Baby A had a faster heartbeat then Baby B. So, I thought I was for sure having a boy/ girl combo. At twenty weeks when it was time for us to find out the gender of our babies. We were very surprised to find out that God had blessed us with TWO sons. I remember telling your dad after, that we had prayed for one son, but God gave us two. We were ecstatic.

At around 24 weeks I ended being put on bedrest, because my cervix was soft, and the doctor did not want me to go into labor early. This was very difficult for me. I had a two-year-old and a five-year-old in kindergarten to take care of while your dad worked. But somehow God graced that season that I was able to still take care of the girls and not go into labor early with each of you. When it was time for you each to make your grand entrance, the doctor scheduled a C-section. Noah you were breach, which means you were lying feet first. And Daniel you were transverse, which means you were lying sideways. The doctor did not want to risk any complications, so he thought the safest thing to do would be to go ahead and have a C-section. I had not had one before and I was terrified. I remember being on the table sobbing in fear of being cut open and feeling it. But I never did, and my fear subsided when I heard Noah cry. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to see him. I did not feel anything when they pulled Noah out. But when they went in to get Daniel, I felt it. It was so weird feeling the pressure of the doctors grabbing and pulling Daniel out of my stomach. But just as quick as the procedure started, it was over. They brought the both of you to my face on the other side of the curtain and I cried. You both are worth every bit of sacrifice and pain I have went through to get you here. I am so thankful that God saw fit that for your dad and I to be your parents. I can’t wait to see how He will use you in the future for his Glory.

I LOVE YOU BOTH!!