So This Is 40?

This upcoming week I will be celebrating my 4oth birthday. I mean whoa, my 40th BIRTHDAY!!! 

Honestly over the years getting older was not really a big deal to me. I remember the night before I turned 30, I was not sad. I didn’t really think much of it. Except “Wow, I will never be in my twenties again.” And I kept it moving. I spent the whole of this decade growing my family, I had my twins at 31. Growing in my surroundings. We bought our first house at 35. Growing my friendships. Growing my mind. Growing my self-awareness. Healing from childhood trauma. Healing from insecurities. Healing from low self-worth. Healing from troubles in my marriage. I mean this past decade has been a huge decade of growth for me!

And 40 had just really crept up on me. Had I been paying attention, I would have seen the signs. Two years ago, I was diagnosed as perimenopausal. That means my period comes whenever she wants to and stays for however long she deems necessary. LOL! Gray hairs have been appearing all over my head, I pull those guys right on out. My hair is starting to fall out and thin in certain spots. Boo!! I’m starting to see those fine lines on my face that I always heard about but did not care to think about. I now am learning how to apply my make up so that it doesn’t crease under my eyes and make me look older. And to top it all off, my first born started high school this year. In just four short years she will be flying the coop to start the calling that God has placed within her. To say that I have struggled mentally with that would be a complete understatement. “Like, didn’t I just have her?” “Wasn’t she just playing dressing up as Rapunzel?” “Wasn’t she just starting elementary school?” “Weren’t we just selling girl scout cookies together?” “Didn’t we just go on those Girl Scout trips to Disney world and Gatlinburg.” “Didn’t we just move to Georgia when she was in the fourth grade?” I really could go on with these thoughts. I mean why has no one spoke on the mental realization you have of youth lost with turning 40?! I never even thought about what it means to grow older. And to watch those physical changes happen right before your eyes. But still feel young on the inside.

Ok, ok, I know that 40 is NOT like old for real. I mean I see tons of people in their forties KILLING the game. But when the awaking I guess within myself of “Girl, you like getting older for real for real” happened, it put me in place of struggle. And it’s so odd because I have asked so many people my age of what their thoughts of turning 40 are, and they respond so casually without any real concern. Like am I the only one with these thoughts? Am I just being too dramatic? Am I just over thinking it? Am I having a midlife crisis? LOL!

I decided after having my struggle thoughts to start seeking wisdom from women who had already walked through their forties. Asking them questions about themselves and how they felt. Asking them questions about walking through parenting teenagers. Asking them questions about their marriage. And most times the women I spoke with let me know that their forties were their favorite decade. Those woman gave me much advice that I have taken and found much solace in.

I decided after that to start to embrace the changes I am experiencing. To fully live and feel the feelings I have as I journey through. To take each day and be more intentional than the day before. To love unconditionally because life really does fly by so quickly. To focus on the beauty in the creation around me. To deeply breathe in every moment and to truly be thankful because life and birthdays are an absolute gift. Thank you, Father for number 40.